I sit and watch silently as the world slips into darkness. Families are going to bed, lights in the houses surrounding me turning off until only one or two are left. Seconds then minutes then hours pass but I am unmoving. I am too wrapped up in my head to realize that there bugs swarming around me, mosquitoes drinking in my blood and leaving their mark. Tomorrow will show the signs on my arms and legs in the form of angry raised skin, itching almost painfully. It will be the penalty that I am served for thinking the thoughts that I am. The ‘what if’ sequences that are dangerous to my well-being.
What if I was more honest with myself? Would life be easier and run smoother? Would I be happy?
What if you were here, instead of miles upon miles away? Would we be together? Would I be happy?
I try and shake the ill-fated seeds that are being planted in my soul. Nothing good comes from spending your life thinking ‘what if’. You will never live. You will never move on to the future and what it has in store for you, all of the great things that could be happening to you. It’s harder than imagined though, trying to escape that infinite abyss that is your mind.
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